Jan 12, 2016

You Have Anxiety Too?!

I never really could pin point the first time I felt anxious. When things were messy in my room, I would start to panic and immediately begin picking things up, making piles and sorting them in their proper place. Order is key in my mind and if things were out of order I felt out of place. In high school, tests made me feel anxious and I could have studied for hours every night a week before the test and suddenly the day would come and I'd forget everything I had worked so hard for. It would make me so frustrated and upset.

When I became a Mom to Lily, I immediately felt calm and relief that she was here, that I would guide her and help her become her true self. It didn't take long for months to fly by and I would look at her for a brief second, only to turn around and realize she was gone. That girl could wiggle and slither her way anywhere when she first began to find out she could move on her own. When she began walking, my anxiety grew. Every room, table, corner or furniture I had seemed like it would reach out and attack her. It wasn't easy for me to let her be alone in a room for fear she would fall or hurt herself. Zach is much easier at this with his care free attitude and calm demeanor. Why couldn't I be that way?

Last week my sister in law was in town and we were chatting in the living room while Lily was playing by herself  in a room right next door. Suddenly we heard a terrible scream and I rushed in to find her clutching her foot in pain. She had stepped on a plastic candle nearby and the flame of the candle had a sharp point on the end which had punctured a hole and drew some blood. After consoling her, I brought her upstairs to put pajamas on. As I laid her on her changing table, I felt dizzy, hot and nausea. I knew I'd probably need to sit down so I put one hand on the changing table and crouched down.

The next thing I knew I felt like I had awoke from a dream. I heard Lily screaming and opened my eyes. I was laying flat on the ground, hot and sticky with sweat. I had fainted in front of Lily and she must have been so scared to see me go down. I called for Zach and my sister in law to come upstairs where they rushed to ask me what had happened. Lily, thankfully, was still on the changing table and Zach scooped her up to again calm her down. My sister-in-law is a nurse and she immediately went into action, grabbing a cold rag and telling me to take deep breaths and my heart was racing. After about 10 minutes, I felt better and realized I must have had an anxiety attack due to seeing Lily in pain and I panicked.

Anxiety can happen at anytime and thankfully I was in a safe place when my anxiety attack came on. I realize it's not 'normal' to be this way and that's ok. I'm also lucky when it comes to have a spouse who helps me deal with my anxiety and ways to help me. He understand if I need to take a few minutes to myself, or if he sees me start to panic, offers to help me by talking about it. Why do you think you're feeling anxious? What can I help to do? Having a friend, a relative or someone you care about who understands you is a blessing and those that you need to surround yourself with. And for those of you out there that may not feel like someone will listen, I will. I'm always here, day or not to talk to you so never feel ashamed. Anxiety is a constant battle and one that shouldn't be taken lightly. I promise, you're not alone.

Do you have anxiety and if so, how do you cope?

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  1. Where to begin?...My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's at 44 years old. I was 14, my brother was 7. I had to grow up pretty fast and assume a lot of her typical roles, including raising my brother at times. My anxiety continues to grow year after year. In fact, I was hospitalized twice back in September for my panic attack/fainting spells myself. I was out so long they thought I might have had a stroke. I'm only 31... Anyway, the best thing I can even suggest is just daily time in prayer! God is always my strength when I can't cope with things on my own. I can't sing the praises enough of my five years I spent in counseling, nor am I ashamed to say I've been on medication for over a decade now. Taking time to take care of you and sharing your testimony like you have today is so important. I'll be praying for you on this journey, too! Take care!

  2. I can relate SO much.. I've had anxiety my whole life (I never wanted to learn to drive because I would panic if I didn't know where I was going, or if traffic got tough..things like that) but it got so much worse when I had kids. I'd worry more that something would happen to them when I was alone, like they'd choke and I couldn't save them, or I wouldn't be able to get ahold of my husband (he used to coach baseball and was gone A LOT.) and we'd have fights about him having his phone on silent.. mine turned in shaking panic attacks where I could do is scream.. I'd try and rip my hair out, and then that led to insomnia that has lasted for the last year and I'm still battling it. I think I hear the slightest noise at night and suddenly my heart is pounding and I'm sweating and wide awake. It's a terrible thing to deal with, while you are trying to be the best Mom you can. I'm so glad you were in a safe place and had help when you had your attack. You are in my thoughts! xo

  3. Ah this is so scary. The last time I passed out I was in a doctor's office and it was after a procedure. I was mortified when I woke up because they all thought I was hurt... when in reality it was an anxiety attack. Sometimes there is nothing I can do to prevent one, but other times prayer, journaling, and deep breathing can keep my anxiety at bay.

  4. As I read your post, I felt like I was there with you. Thank you for sharing your heart. I don't want others to suffer from anxiety, but I will be honest and say it feels good to know I'm not alone. I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, and mix in OCD for a little cherry on top. I posted a while back about all the things I had kept bottled up - http://iwillservewhileiwait.blogspot.com/2014/11/waiting-onnormal.html.

    And, yesterday as I was listening to the radio, I heard a young girl explain why she understood why God didn't take away her anxiety (that she had prayed for for so long). She said that if she didn't have anxiety, she wouldn't lean on Him so much. So wise for such a young person. Maybe that's why we still struggle too! Thanks again for sharing your heart!

  5. I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember & I can agree that having a little one definitely adds a whole new element into the mix. I don't know if its something you struggle with daily or not, but theres a book I have that that has been helpful & its called "From Panic to Power" and it aims to help you take control of your anxiety. It has been great for me so I love to tell people about it.
    Its so scary that you passed out & I'm sure so terrifying for you. I pray things get better for you & your poor babe is feeling better after her booboo :(

  6. I can totally relate. I think the first time I had an actually attack was about ten years ago but the more I think about it, I had anxiety well before that but that was the first attack that I could remember - I couldn't breathe, I broke out in a cold sweat - it was horrible. I still get anxious & I've tried medications but the best thing I found that works is St. John's Wort & being able to find the time I need to relax. I have so much more on this subject that I could talk about but I hear the music playing & cutting me off. Ha!

    I'm sorry that you had that attack in front of your lil one. How scary.

  7. I used to have a bit of a stressful job and I used to get little attacks, nothing serious, but I would have to stop what I was doing, close my eyes and slow my breathing. I can relate on the scary feeling.

    On a brighter note: I'm so glad to have visited your blog! You are beautiful and you daughter is so sweet!

  8. I can definitely relate! I have always been a worrier to the point of where it causes anxiety. It tapered off a couple of years ago. Then I got diagnosed with Hypothyroidism and while adjusting to my meds I had the absolute WORST anxiety! It's definitely not fun. I pray that it all gets better for you.

  9. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it is hard to admit, and I think as a society we still have an awful stigma with the word anxiety and depression. I am someone who has struggled with anxiety beginning in college. I have had many panic attacks over time, and I feel like I am finally in a good place. I think that having someone to talk through the anxiety is so important, and I also think having a good doctor who is willing to find medicine and treatments will be helpful. I see a psychiatric nurse who has prescribed medicine, but she also recommends talking a Vitamin D supplement as well as getting lots of exercise!

  10. I was always so laid back and then I became a mom....dun dun dun...now I struggle with anxiety a lot. I have never passed out but a few weeks ago I was putting Abby to bed...she is 3 and bedtime is always a struggle and usually takes at least an hour or so... I was overwhelmed with everything else I still needed to do and as I laid with her in her bed that night something was so off. I felt like the world was closing in around me, like I literally couldn't lay down for one more second. It was the most unwelcome overwhelming feeling I've ever had. Thankfully my husband was home and he stepped in and let me step outside for a few minutes. I felt like a terrible mom at that point. Thanks for sharing your story, I think it helps knowing that you're not alone out there.

  11. I used to have terrible anxiety. It has since gotten better, but I loved doing yoga. That really helped me. And saying mantras in my head. So scary to have fainted in front of your daughter.


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