Aug 16, 2017

​"The Truth About Post-Wedding Guilt"

​Maggie Reimherr is an IT recruiter by day and a blogger at with her husband Derek by night. She's a Georgia native but recently spent some time living up north in Boston before migrating back South and settling in the heart of Atlanta, GA. Maggie loves travel, karaoke, beer, good food, improv shows, musicals, and making inappropriate jokes. You can follow Maggie and Derek's adventures on Instagram at @millennialmarriage.
By Maggie Reimherr of Millennial Marriage

I’m convinced that The Knot and other facets of the wedding industry exist to complicate our lives during what should be a beautiful season. Friends, I’m here to tell you that even as a person who enjoys event planning, wedding planning sucks.

The wedding industry makes money on your belief that peonies are the BEST bridal bouquet flowers, that mason jars (which aren’t, by the way, cheap) are the most adorable vessel for sweet tea, that you need signature cocktails, and that spending half your paycheck at Hobby Lobby on chalkboard signs and rustic picture frames is a reasonable thing to do. The wedding industry also convinces you to oversimplify complex issues, like the daunting task of trimming down a guest list - hello, this is not simple! These are your relationships and people’s feelings! The wedding industry inundates you with constant reminders that you that it’s “your day” and to do whatever you want and be an insane bridezilla.

Don’t get me wrong - weddings are AWESOME. Derek and I still talk about how much freakin’ FUN we had at our wedding. We’re grateful to all of the people, particularly our parents, who made it happen. But I don’t think any wedding happens without a bit of complication. Relationships are hard; budgets are hard. If you’re like me, one of the side effects of these complications is guilt.

So I’ve compiled a comprehensive list of guilty thoughts I had while planning our wedding. Mainly about how much money people were spending for the festivities. I will also own up to the fact that I am a person who generally feels guilty about a lot of things. Anyway:

  • “People are spending a ton of money on me.”
  • “Should I have asked that friend to be in the wedding party? I feel bad for leaving people out.”
  • “I haven’t had time to chat with everyone at this shower. Will they think I’m being standoffish?”
  • “Am I being a bridezilla?”
  • “Are my siblings resentful of all the extra attention I’m getting?”
  • “WOW, people are spending a ton of money on me.”
  • “Is it really ‘my day’? Shouldn’t I be giving more consideration to the opinions of others?”
  • “How do I possibly trim down this guest list?”
  • “Is my groom feeling slighted by getting less attention than me because I am *THE BRIDE*?”
  • “Time to pick out bridesmaids’ dresses. Will everyone feel comfortable and beautiful in this?! Wait, why are all the ones at this store $300???”
  • “You mean to tell me that a RENTAL tux is $250?! Welp, now the groomsmen are going to hate me for insisting on this slate gray one.”
  • “Is it rude to ask my friends to travel for my bachelorette party? I feel like a diva.”
  • “HOLY $#!+, people are spending a ton of money on me.”

Take comfort in the following things:

  • People are spending money on you because they love you. It’s one thing if you’re demanding things that are over budget. If you are, slow your roll. It’s another thing entirely if you’re feeling guilty even though you’re reasonably within the confines of a previously discussed budget.
  • People are giving you lots of attention because they’re excited for your marriage.
  • Rest assured, your loved ones will tell you EXACTLY when you’ve crossed the line into bridezilla territory.

But I have to be honest. There are wedding-related things that I still feel guilty about, a year and a half after the fact. I wish I’d invited some people I didn’t. I wish I’d been more easy-going about some decisions and avoided some arguments. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty about our wedding because we loved it. We had an amazing, beautiful day and weekend. But these are the things that stick with me.

The main lesson I learned from this is that people > all else. Your wedding day will be a dream come true no matter what because it is your wedding. To save yourself the guilt, chill out. Put people and relationships first. It’ll make the process a whole lot more fun and a whole lot less stressful.

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  1. Every "guilt" item you've listed is something that has crossed my mind at least once (if not constantly) since I got engaged.

  2. I went through the same exact thoughts but it's okay to have a day about just you especially your wedding day. I actually really miss planning my wedding, I had so much fun doing that & getting together with my girls to do this & that...I wanna do it again! Ha!


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