Dec 5, 2017

Why Being A SAHM Wasn't For Me


When Zach and I first moved to Atlanta three years ago, I was excited to actually spend time with my then one and a half year old. I always worked full time and loved every minute of it, but realized I wanted to enjoy spending as much time with her as I could. I couldn't wait to sleep in, relax, watch TV, go on play dates and get to know our new home.

In reality- it was awful. The first part was I was extremely lonely. Of course I had my toddler but moving to a new city and not knowing anyone was really hard. We lived in a small apartment complex and it seems the majority of people that lived there also worked full time. It was quiet and not very friendly. We would take long walks around the neighborhood aka the parking lots but nothing as really feeling like home.

I started becoming envious of my husband going to work every day. I felt almost like a dark cloud come over me and began to become depressed. I didn't have any friends besides a few of Zach's co-workers who would come over on occasion, Lily obviously didn't know anyone and trying to make friends with other stay at home Mom's was becoming almost a full time job in itself.

Instead of laughing and loving being home every day, I was angry. I was mad. I was yelling for no reason. It was almost exhausting trying to keep our apartment in order, keep Lily stimulated, attempt blogging here and here and feeling appreciated or important about everything I was doing day in and day out. I didn't feel important or that everything I was doing was for nothing. In truth- I really became depressed and needed a change.

Zach and I began to talk slowly about what I was feeling when he found me in the corner bawling one night because I wasn't feeling myself. He was so sweet in saying that it was a huge change and as someone who doesn't adapt super well to change ( I'm honestly such an introvert even though I may seem like an extrovert ) I was drowning and needed to get back to the working world- and so I did.

I began applying to jobs, working with a recruiter who sent me to various interviews downtown Atlanta and eventually came upon a job that I knew I'd enjoy. Fast forward almost three years later and adding another kid to the mix, and I'm STILL happy that I'm working full time job.

I feel my best when I'm contributing to my family. I may work 3 full time jobs ( my 8-5 job, blogging + freelance writing ) and yes I may be on 4-5 hours of sleep every night but I truly love what I do. I love getting off work and feeling so excited to see my children. I swear I may be more excited than they are! I feel enough, important and needed. That's when I'm my best!

Now of course just because I truly didn't feel like I could handle being a Stay At Home Mom doesn't mean you can't. We all feel our best doing what's right for our family. I have several friends that truly love being at home with their kids and I give them so much credit because even after 4 days of solo parenting I began pulling my hair out. For me, working full time is what's best. Can that change? Of course- but today, I know I'm keeping things under control by being in the working world.

Have you tried the SAHM thing?
What was your/is your experience? 

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9 comments:

  1. You always need to do what's best for you so you can be at your best for your family - you go, girl!

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  2. Girl I feel you! When we thought we were moving to Florida and I gave up my job here then we found out we were pregnant I was excited to have the opportunity to be a sahm. Now that she’s here it’s so lonely and exhausting. It really is it’s own full time job. I have the same feeling of a dark cloud, I am so excited to start school again and do something for me. Sometimes you just have to do what best for you in order to make the family a better one ��

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    1. girl i get it for sure- can we go back to the days of HS and eating lunch together ;)

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    2. I know right! Adulting is hard :-o haha

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  3. I really don't know what I will do whenever we decide to have kids. My best friend is a SAHM and she absolutely loves it, but you are right it isn't for everyone!

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  4. I appreciate your honesty! I struggle with being a stay at home mom and sometimes I fantasize about working outside of the home, but for the most part I feel content. With that said, my sister is a stay at home mom and several good friends are as well so I connect with people several times a week. I can't imagine doing this without that connection to the outside world. The best thing for our children is a mom who is happy and functioning so good for you for doing what was best for your family!

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  5. I'm not a mom - yet - though I do like the idea of being a stay at home. At the same time I'd have to be able to be around other people SOMEWHAT. I'd imagine it was tough being in a new city and not having people you know around you too. That's great you've found what works for you and your family though!

    -Lauren
    www.shootingstarsmag.net

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  6. i'm a SAHM, the hubs is in the military and child care in virginia is stupid expensive. if we had the funds i'd go back to work like yesterday!

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  7. I think the move affected you more than you think based on your writing. If you had stayed where you previously lived and decided to be a SAHM then, you probably would have had a different experienc.e

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