I shared a few months ago about how body shaming had affected my self-esteem growing up as a young girl who was never fat shammed, but skinny shammed. So many of you were able to relate to this post so I thought I would share a bit more about my experience now as an adult and what I’ve learned in the process of going through it 15 years later.
I shared my struggles with anxiety, depression and even PPA after having my daughter almost 5 years ago but never once did I feel as if I had to explain why I was able to loose weight quickly, what diet I was on to look the way I did or how many times a week I exercise to keep my body looking toned and ‘flawless’.
See that picture above? While I may look as if I have some abs, there was a bit of a shadowing going on. When pregnant with Landon, he was so large he separated the upper half of my abs so I have what’s called dissectus recti. Basically I have a 2″ gap between my abs that will never go back which you can still see a year and a half later. I’ve tried working with a physical therapist for a few weeks when I lived in Atlanta but I’m ok if it doesn’t look great.
I also realized that I needed to surround myself with those that weren’t complimenting my body ( and while yes that is a great thing to share, I never want to be a comparison to anyone else so thanks Internet Trolls ) but rather just want to be around me because I’m a good listener, and showing up FOR me. I tend to have a fear of not having enough friends, of not being needed and feel awful when I wouldn’t be invited to a friends gathering. But what I was forgetting was, I don’t need to have a lot of friends but truly those that want me in their life for me not my size.
I’m not perfect nor do I ever want you to think I am. I’m just me; Cait. I’m comfortable with myself, the way my body looks post kids and even after having two babies. I’m learning to love myself every day and taking you along the crazy journey too.