It’s been one of those days. Actually, it’s been one of those days for the last few days. Adjusting being back at work. Figuring out a sleep schedule that is able to keep me functioning driving an hour one way to the office, working 8 hours, driving an hour back, pumping in between, making time for my children, making an effort to talk about our day with my husband, blogging, freelance writing, being there for friends and al with a smile.
It’s hard. And tonight, I just came crashing down after I thought I was getting a hold on everything. Landon was extremely fussy. Just continuously crying for a solid 4-6 minutes..stopping and then crying again. I was trying so hard to just breathe after one of the longest days possible that I just started to cry too.
I stated crying for sleep as obviously it’s been a lot and not getting my usual 8 hours in the last 2 1/2 months has taken a toll on me.
I started crying for my friends, the ones who don’t get this normal crying baby at 2:30 in the morning because they are in the hospital praying for their child’s life.
I started crying for my family because I miss seeing them all the time.
I started crying because at times life seems put together but also unraveling.
I started crying for past friendships that I wish I could have mended.
It’s a lot. Being a Mom is a lot. You’re pushed and pulled in so many different directions. You want to have it all together but honestly, who really does? So I cried.
And as usual, I felt better after a few minutes. I realized it was quiet. Landon had finally stopped too and was just looking at me so intently, so curious and so unsure as to why I was the one shedding tears. Mom’s don’t cry right? he seemed to say through his sweet blue eyes.
Tonight was hard. Tonight I needed to cry. And as I look over at my little boy finally sleeping soundly, I guess I should turn my computer off, close my eyes and drift off to sleep too. We’re all on this journey together. And I’m telling you right now friends, it’s ok to cry.