When Zach and I first moved to Atlanta three years ago, I was excited to actually spend time with my then one and a half year old. I always worked full time and loved every minute of it, but realized I wanted to enjoy spending as much time with her as I could. I couldn’t wait to sleep in, relax, watch TV, go on play dates and get to know our new home.
In reality- it was awful. The first part was I was extremely lonely. Of course I had my toddler but moving to a new city and not knowing anyone was really hard. We lived in a small apartment complex and it seems the majority of people that lived there also worked full time. It was quiet and not very friendly. We would take long walks around the neighborhood aka the parking lots but nothing as really feeling like home.
I started becoming envious of my husband going to work every day. I felt almost like a dark cloud come over me and began to become depressed. I didn’t have any friends besides a few of Zach’s co-workers who would come over on occasion, Lily obviously didn’t know anyone and trying to make friends with other stay at home Mom’s was becoming almost a full time job in itself.
Instead of laughing and loving being home every day, I was angry. I was mad. I was yelling for no reason. It was almost exhausting trying to keep our apartment in order, keep Lily stimulated, attempt blogging here and here and feeling appreciated or important about everything I was doing day in and day out. I didn’t feel important or that everything I was doing was for nothing. In truth- I really became depressed and needed a change.
Zach and I began to talk slowly about what I was feeling when he found me in the corner bawling one night because I wasn’t feeling myself. He was so sweet in saying that it was a huge change and as someone who doesn’t adapt super well to change ( I’m honestly such an introvert even though I may seem like an extrovert ) I was drowning and needed to get back to the working world- and so I did.
I began applying to jobs, working with a recruiter who sent me to various interviews downtown Atlanta and eventually came upon a job that I knew I’d enjoy. Fast forward almost three years later and adding another kid to the mix, and I’m STILL happy that I’m working full time job.
I feel my best when I’m contributing to my family. I may work 3 full time jobs ( my 8-5 job, blogging + freelance writing ) and yes I may be on 4-5 hours of sleep every night but I truly love what I do. I love getting off work and feeling so excited to see my children. I swear I may be more excited than they are! I feel enough, important and needed. That’s when I’m my best!
Now of course just because I truly didn’t feel like I could handle being a Stay At Home Mom doesn’t mean you can’t. We all feel our best doing what’s right for our family. I have several friends that truly love being at home with their kids and I give them so much credit because even after 4 days of solo parenting I began pulling my hair out. For me, working full time is what’s best. Can that change? Of course- but today, I know I’m keeping things under control by being in the working world.